Islam, Families and Love from fathers

Sadly, many deeply sincere Muslim families are being sacrificed to their fathers’ misguided notion that it is manly to abandon family life for the sake of being active in the Muslim community. Rather than viewing their fatherhood and marriage as a service for Allah and a means for purification of self, these men hold back from loving their families too much for fear that this will keep them from loving Allah. They emotionally distance themselves from

their wives and children as if they were obstacles on the Path.

This type of father habitually gulps down his dinner and is out the door for the rest of the night. He spends long hours away from his family serving on masjid committees, counselling strangers with their problems, organising fund-raising events, and attending endless meetings. When he is home, he talks on the phone for hours, sits in front of the email, and then collapses, exhausted into bed.

His wife may feel that it is her duty to willingly do without marital companionship in order to free her husband to do the “more important” work of Allah. But if the woman cares at all about her husband, she will eventually feel betrayed and rejected. If years go by and she becomes used to living without him, such that she no longer needs or wants him, then he has lost her, and probably his children also. In today’s world, it is not enough for the father to bring home the money and then feel he has done his job.

Sons and daughters need their fathers to spend time with them. Sons who are deprived of their father’s companionship and affection are more likely to become delinquent or deviant in their teens.

Daughters who fail to receive their father’s attention and praise are more vulnerable to sexual predators as they unconsciously search for a loving father replacement. A desperate need for love and validation has led many teens to forbidden and self-destructive behaviours, while kids who do sports and have fun with their dads tend to have fewer social problems such as smoking or drinking, and they are more likely to have a stable and fulfilling marriage relationship in later years.

Wives who fail to receive regular doses of loving attention from their husbands will lack the self-esteem to effectively train an Islamic family. The wife’s depression and nervous anxiety from her husband’s prolonged absences can affect her unborn fetus. If she is struggling with her own feelings of abandonment and rejection, how can she be everything for her children? But when a woman feels cherished by her husband and respected, she receives a tremendous boost of energy and there is nothing she would not do for him.

A strong marriage is essential to good health, longevity and a joyous and meaningful existence. The Prophet said,

“When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allah's view] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah.”

Imam Jafar is noted as saying, “Whenever a person’s love for women increases, his faith increases in quality.”