When I first became Muslim in 1993, my ultimate goal was to please Allah, become the best Muslim and marry a religious man to lead me to the path of righteousness. Many women in today's world spend their time dressing in the latest styles, plucking their eyebrows and of course wearing the hijab thrown over their shoulders to please a man looking for marriage. All which are harm and forbidden in Islam.
My belief was that I should first read the Glorious Quran 2 times before marrying. I believed that if I was the very best Muslim, that I could get the very best Muslim husband and I did exactly that. After 3 months I was approached that someone wanted to marry me and I refused to even see the brother. I was not ready yet. I did not know enough about Islam. After 6 months another brother was presented to marry me and I agreed to see him.
The imam of the masjid arranged for him to come to a picnic where I was at and see me. I was not told he was coming so I could run and get the most beautiful dress available, I was seen as I normally dress. He came and did salat when we all prayed in front of me or shall I say the women and he left quickly. There were no conversations, no greeting and no polite talk. He simply came to see my face and left.
I was crushed as I was not prepared for this. I thought to myself that I must be ugly or not good enough. Little did I know what was going on. He went home to pray salat - istikhara for 3 days and after 3 days my phone rang. The wife of the sheik was on the phone and told me the brother approved of my looks and wanted to see me. He arranged to take us all out to an Islamic Chinese restaurant in Orange County, California.
We all met at the sheik's house first and their was polite talk. I told him I wanted a super religious man to increase my deen. He remained quiet and said very little. I then told my friend that I must be ashamed as I only wore hijab to the mosque and I was requiring him to be perfect. She advised me to inform him of this and be honest. I told him about not wearing hijab and he humbly told me, "You wear hijab for Allah, not I." If you are not frightened of Allah, then I will not ask you for more." He stunned me. He did not require me to do anything, but please Allah. I went home and until this day I wear hijab all the time.
We hit things off well and he asked me to marry him and 7 days later we were married in a simple ceremony at the Sheik's house with only a few witnesses and my witness or friend who escorted me there. I was an older woman living alone in California so I had no mahram. My friend came as my witness.
Halal Meeting of Women
I told my story to give you an example of how to meet someone halal and have a blessed union. I did not meet my husband at a disco or on the street of the market. The sheik of the masjid searched for a viable mate for me and presented him to me as an option. It is both haram and not allowable in Islam to chit chat on the net, pick a girl out of your college or meet some one for tea you saw at the movies. Muslims do not date.
If you do not know a sheik, then have your mother or sister which is traditional in Jordan to search for a nice, religious woman. You should not search yourself and Allah protect us from these wedding sites that advertise brides for sale.
If you will follow the sunnah of Prophet Mohammad, PBUH, you will see that this type of behavior is not acceptable. The culture has taught people to co-mingle. When the devil is present when you meet, he will be there throughout your marriage.
Read about the wedding of Fatima and how Prophet Mohammad, PBUH, arrange her wedding.
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